Feathers
by A Darker Shade
Summary: Perhaps you couldn't call it happiness, but Reno and Rufus are all right together aren't they? As long as memories remain memories.
1. Never A Memory

**I have had no time for writing for a while, so I thought I'd put up this story which I started quite a while ago. **

**A heart-felt thank you to everyone who has reviewed my other stories. For the multi-chaps all I can say is, I promise to finish them when time permits. And here's another one, which will be finished one day. **

**This is set a year or so after the end of Dirge of Cerberus. It does contain yaoi, but not much that's very explicit. It was an attempt to write about more mature relationships. Because we're all busy people, here's a brief synopsis so if it's not your thing you don't need to waste time reading it: Reno and Rufus are together. You couldn't say it was a match made in Heaven exactly, but in some ways it works. When Reno was much younger, he had an intense relationship with Sephiroth, until Nibelheim. No one knows about it. Rufus is going to find out. How will that affect him? Do you care? If so, you may want to read on.**

**Present tense bits are in the present, past tense bits are in the past. Sounds obvious. Not sure if it works.**

**Not mine, except in rabid fangirl dreams.**

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**Feathers**

**Chapter One: Never A Memory**

**What Reno misses:**

The thrill and the comfort of being held by someone so much stronger than himself.

Paradoxical kisses that made him shiver; that made him burn.

Feeling protected – because he's always been the protector of others, and now that's all he is again.

The sex, the sex, the sex.

The astonishingly erotic experience of being folded in soft, black feathers.

The knowledge that they have both given their souls to Shin-Ra, and are equally guilty; equally damned.

The understanding that they would both rather be damned together than saved apart.

The belief that he understands love.

The belief that love could be enough.

**What Reno retains:**

Memories, and a sweetly painful secret not even Shin-Ra knows.

A box of beautiful black feathers gathered carefully whenever they fell.

A tattoo that means nothing to anyone else.

The ghosts of old feelings.

The fragments of his heart.

**What Reno has gained:**

A new lover in Rufus Shinra, who always knew how to get whatever he wanted.

The burden of keeping the past secret, even from him.

The hope, however fragile, that having returned twice before, Sephiroth might still find a way back to him.

.~~~~~~~~~~.

Reno can't live any longer without knowing.

Cloud is surprised to see the red-haired Turk entering the newly refurbished Seventh Heaven in Edge, especially unaccompanied by his usual shadow, Rude.

"Reno." Cloud's tone is not unfriendly. Reno thinks that Cloud has more or less forgiven him for what he used to be. He wishes he could feel the same about Cloud, who was only saving the world, after all. But every time Reno looks at the spiky-haired hero, he wonders how it was. He has to know.

It's not a thing he can ask straight out though, so he leans on the bar and asks, "You servin' yo?"

"We're not quite open, but – okay. What can I get you?"

"Whiskey. Straight."

Cloud nods, puts the drink on the bar.

Reno pays, knocks it back, orders another.

"Keep going like that and I'll be throwing you out before we're even open," Cloud observes.

Reno shakes his head, downing the second shot. "Not here to drink, yo."

"Then – what?"

Reno holds up a finger. "One more," he says.

"Just one?"

"Sure."

Cloud hands Reno a third whiskey. This time the Turk just stands there, gazing down into the amber liquid.

"So?" Cloud prompts.

"Came to see you, matter of fact," Reno says. Cloud makes no reply; waits for him to get to the point.

"I've been wondering," says Reno, his eyes suddenly very bright, "about when you – defeated – S – Sephiroth."

It seems to cause Reno difficulty, saying the name. Cloud can understand that.

"What about it?"

"What happened? What…was it like?"

Cloud shakes his head. "I don't want to talk about that. I defeated him. He's dead."

The Turk's eyes glitter strangely. "Tell me," he says. "_Please!_"

Cloud frowns. "Why does it matter to you?"

"C'mon man! I was there! Fighting that damned remnant, who was so … like him. Nearly blew myself up, yo, so's you could fight that last battle – when he came back…" Reno's voice catches, and Cloud supposes that the remnant he fought must have hurt him pretty badly. Reno looks up at Cloud, and his eyes have none of their usual confidence. "Tell me?" he asks again.

Cloud sighs. "All right, Reno. What do you want to know?"

But now he's got what he wants, Reno seems uncertain. "Maybe…okay," he murmurs. "Tell me about when Kadaj became Seph – Sephiroth. What happened?"

"Well – it was quick. I think it was painful, for Kadaj. I heard him cry out, and when I looked up I found myself staring straight into Sephiroth's eyes."

"Oh!" Reno's tone is very strange. Cloud can't place it. Reno sounds almost fearful as he asks, "How did he look? How – how _was_ he?"

"He looked the same as ever. Crazy. His face hadn't changed. As for how he _was_ – I'd say he was worse."

"Worse?"

"Colder. Even less human."

"So, you think he was still insane?"

"He's been insane ever since Nibelheim."

"Hmm. Before that, I think he was the sanest one in SOLDIER."

"You knew him?" Cloud sounds surprised. Reno looks down, smiling sadly. "I knew him, yes. We…met sometimes. In the Shin-Ra building."

"You were friends?"

Reno shakes his head emphatically. "No – I don't think you could call us that…" Sighing, he looks away. Cloud asks, "Reno, have you been drinking before you got here? Or have you taken something else?"

No."

Cloud finds that he believes Reno. He asks, more gently now, "So – what's all this about?"

Reno looks into Cloud's eyes – still that brilliant mako blue after all this time. The Turk's expression is almost desperate. He shakes his head again; turns to leave. "I…can't. I'd better go."

But Cloud is round in front of the bar, enhanced reflexes still impossibly fast. He lays a hand on Reno's arm. "Stay," he says. "Tifa will take over in here – we'll be open in a minute. I may not have learned much from all we've been through, but working here – at least I can recognize someone who needs to talk."

Reno nods, miserably. Cloud feels oddly protective towards the Turk. Without his usual cocky confidence, Reno seems disconcertingly vulnerable – so pale, so slight - like one of the street kids from the old Midgar slums. Which, Cloud remembers, he once was. What Shin-Ra does to these damaged children!

Leaving his drink on the bar, Reno follows Cloud into another room where it's dark and quiet. Switching on one lamp, Cloud gestures to a couch. Reno sits, looking up, a little surprised, when Cloud takes a seat next to him instead of in one of the armchairs.

"So," says Cloud, "How can I help you?"

Reno looks at his hands, twisting nervously together in his lap. Cloud has never seen the Turk like this.

"I…just need to know what he said. How it was when…when you killed him." Reno shivers.

"I didn't exactly kill him. I'm not sure that he was completely alive. I defeated him. He told me that Geostigma's dead would destroy the planet. It seems he – or Jenova in him, - was the cause of the stigma."

"Rufus thought so." Reno shakes his head. "I'm sorry."

Cloud wonders why Reno thinks _he_ should be sorry, but the Turk says nothing more, so Cloud continues: "Sephiroth kept catching me with that damned sword –"

"That came back too?"

"Everything – just as he used to be. The clothes he was wearing that day in Nibelheim, the masamune, everything."

"Just as he used to be," Reno echoes, his voice a whisper.

"He told me he wanted to fulfil Jenova's mission," Cloud continues. "To use the planet as some kind of – of vessel – to reach other worlds and start a new future there. But when I asked him what would happen to _this_ planet he said, 'Well, that's up to you, Cloud,' and it was almost as if…"

"What?" asks Reno, his eyes fixed on Cloud's face.

"As if he – or a part of him – hoped I'd win."

"You really believe that?"

Cloud is taken aback by the intensity of Reno's gaze. The answer matters to the Turk – so much – and Cloud can't understand why. He nods slowly, considering. "Hmm. Yes, that's what I think," he says. "Then we fought, and it was the hardest battle I've ever been in. He so nearly killed me: ran that sword right through me, lifted me clean off the ground –"

Reno winces.

"Like the first time," Cloud muses. "Only – he asked me what I most cherish. He said, 'Give me the pleasure of taking it away.' But it sounded – flat. As though he thought that was the sort of thing he _ought_ to say. And it somehow gave me the strength to fight harder, because I realised that I still loved this planet, this whole flawed life – everything. With that strength, I defeated him. But again, it was almost as if…he…wanted…"

"Maybe he did?" Reno's breathing is ragged. It seems he's fighting to control some emotion Cloud doesn't understand. "What about… at the end?" Reno asks.

"Sephiroth retreated. He was hovering in the air, above me – flying. I told him to stay in my memory, where he belongs, and he said, 'I will never be a memory'. Then he closed his wing around himself, and there were black feathers falling everywhere – and then there was Kadaj, at the end of his strength, used up and dying." Cloud looked at Reno. "That's all I can tell you. That's how it was."

"_I will never be a memory_. Do you think he's still out there? Not absorbed in the lifestream, I mean?"

"I don't know. I hope that now the last of the Jenova cells have gone, he won't be able to return again, even if his mind still exists."

"So…there are no Jenova cells left, anywhere?" Reno asks.

"If there are, Rufus Shinra would be the most likely to know. No-one knows what became of Genesis, after all. But his cells were unstable in any case."

"So it would take cells - from Sephiroth?"

"I suppose so. But Sephiroth vanished back into the lifestream when Kadaj returned to his body. Don't worry, Reno. Sephiroth's not coming back."

"No." Reno looks down at his hands.

Trying to understand the Turk's strange mood, Cloud says, "I guess - fighting with Yazoo must've been hard, huh?"

"Hmm?" Reno looks up. "Oh, yeah. Uh – thanks, Cloud. I just needed to know what happened, that's all…"

"You're okay?"

"Yes. I'm gonna go. But – thanks."

Cloud opens the door to the main bar, which is filling up now. Tifa shoots him an enquiring look as Reno leaves. When the Turk has gone she asks, "What did he want?"

"I'm not sure…I think, to talk about the past…"

"Right." Tifa shrugs. "I guess – even Turks need to talk sometimes."

"Yes." Cloud frowns, though. Something's not quite right about the whole encounter, but he can't pinpoint just what it is.

* * *

**In the next chapter: Rufus and Reno have an argument.**


	2. Broken Connection

**Rufus and Reno! Anyone who likes Rufus always in control of everything won't like this. I enjoy giving Rufus little challenges - I'm just twisted that way - and it's good for him. **

**Warnings - m/m. Nothing graphic. **

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**Feathers**

**Broken Connection**

Reno walks home through the streets of Edge, remembering. As he passes the rebuilt Shin-Ra monument, he thinks about the remnant, Yazoo. Yes – it was hard, fighting with him – but not for the reasons Cloud thinks. It was hard because the remnant's otherworldly beauty was Sephiroth's – the green eyes, the long, silver hair, the smile. But Sephiroth after Nibelheim – Sephiroth with his soul gone dark, or maybe just – gone. Reno shivers, remembering Yazoo's blank stare, his wanton, casual cruelty. Is that a true image of Sephiroth now? The demon? The nightmare?

.~~~~~~~~~~.

When he gets back to his apartment Reno wants nothing more than to be alone with his memories. But Rufus is there – again. Reno is irritated by Rufus's assumption that just because he eventually cajoled Reno into giving him a key, it means he can turn up whenever he likes. But then, Rufus never has taken no for an answer, and until recently Reno hasn't tried too hard to make him, because Rufus is strong and wilful and definite. Nearly three years ago now, not long after Meteor, Rufus made it quite clear that he wanted Reno… and Reno? Well, at the time Reno was beyond caring, and it was easier to say yes. Rufus is gorgeous, after all, and distracting enough to make Reno forget, sometimes. But tonight, he'd really rather be alone.

He's not going to get that choice, it seems, because as soon as he's through the door Rufus is on him – hard, and hot, and pretty much irresistible – pretty much. Reno gives his boss a half-hearted kiss and extracts himself from Rufus's eager embrace. Rufus follows him into the lounge, pressing an open bottle of beer into his hand. His tone is a little sharp as he asks, "What's wrong, Reno?"

"Nothin' yo. Only – tired – is all." Reno sits heavily on the couch. Rufus snuggles up close beside him. "Getting old?" Rufus teases. But Reno won't be provoked tonight. He sighs. "Maybe. Feel like, about a thousand…"

"Scared because you're going to turn twenty-nine two weeks before I do?" Rufus tries to joke, but his voice is anxious. Reno's heart sinks. He's let Rufus get too close. Wasn't the plan. How can he help it if he has nothing left to give?

"You'd be better off with Tseng," Reno tells Rufus, not for the first time. Now Rufus sounds really worried. "We've had this conversation! Reno – if you mean you don't want me, say it!"

"No, that's not what…"

"Okay. Then what is it?"

"I was talking to Strife. Just some memories. You don't get to be a Turk as long as I have without a few regrets, yo?"

Rufus sighs, thinking that he understands. He's been there to hold Reno when he's woken shouting and shaking, his mind full of images of bodies being pulled from the ruins of Sector Seven.

"That's what I'm here for," says Rufus, leaning across to kiss his lover, hard. "To make you forget all that. Come on Reno, let me do my job!"

Rufus's kisses are insistent and good, and Reno closes his mind to memories of others, long years ago, that left him speechless. He shuts his eyes and strokes Rufus's short, soft hair, trying not to remember how his fingers used to tangle in longer, softer silver.

After the sex - which is satisfying, if routine - Rufus lies beside Reno who is half asleep, face down on the bed. Rufus runs his fingers over Reno's back, tracing the tattoos scattered in a long S-shaped line down his spine. A trail of black feathers. He's wondered aloud about its meaning often – but Reno's always shrugged and said, "Things you do when you're a kid, yo!" gesturing to the red lines that curve along his cheekbones. The implication is that he got the feathers done at the same time.

Rufus knows that this is a lie, because Shin-Ra has always kept detailed files on every member of its staff, and while Reno's red facial tattoos were done at the age of sixteen, these black feathers appeared two years later. December 2000 to be precise, shortly before the end of the war with Wutai – when Reno was eighteen. "Not quite a kid," thinks Rufus. "Old enough for it to mean…_someone_…"

Rufus doesn't like people keeping secrets from him.

Leaning over and brushing Reno's long red hair to one side, Rufus licks the curving feather tattoo at the nape of Reno's neck. Usually Reno loves being touched there, but today he doesn't respond. Rufus feels a flash of anger, and changes the kiss he was going to give into a bite that makes Reno gasp and turn over. "What?" he asks, annoyed.

"You're not _here_!" sulks Rufus.

"I told you – I'm tired."

"Hmph. Tired of _me_."

"Oh for Gaia's sake, Rufus, stop acting like a kid!"

Rufus is stung. Reno is normally so much more relaxed than he is – laid back to the point of making Rufus question whether he takes anything seriously. He does have a temper though – and Rufus has seen Reno angry plenty of times - but never like this – irritable and distant.

"Maybe I should go home, then!" snaps Rufus, hoping to provoke Reno into something more heated – an apology, or an outburst – anything to connect. But Reno's eyes are on the ceiling, and his expression is just weary. "Maybe you should."

Rufus's heart lurches and he feels something like fear for the first time in this three-year relationship, but he's Rufus Shinra, and he will not back down. "Right," he says tersely, getting out of bed and starting to dress. He hopes Reno will tell him to stay, but Reno's not even looking at him. Rufus heads for the door. Reno sighs and sits up. "Wait. You can't go traipsing through Edge on your own at this time. It's still not safe round here."

"Like you care!" This time even Rufus acknowledges that he sounds like a child, but he can't seem to help himself. He's disorientated by how much Reno's coldness is hurting him. He hasn't admitted to himself until now how much he's come to feel for the wild red-haired Turk.

Reno doesn't respond well to emotional blackmail, especially when he's already feeling guilty – because Rufus is right, he's really _not _here tonight. He looks at Rufus with frank distaste and snarls, "Of course I care. It's my fucking _job_." Rufus stares at him as though Reno's just punched him in the face. Reno grabs his PHS and calls Elena, who's on duty back at H.Q. "Boss needs a car," Reno tells her. "At mine. Now."

Rufus looks murder at Reno, because it's easier for him than showing the pain he feels. Reno glares right back. Rufus heads for the door again, but Reno growls, "You wait for the damn car."

Rufus waits, facing the door. Reno gets out of bed and drags on some jeans and nothing else. The other Turks have known for two years that he's with Rufus. When Elena calls out her ID and knocks, Reno pushes past Rufus to shoot the bolts. "Take him home," Reno tells Elena, as if Rufus is some kind of lost puppy. Rufus walks past Reno without acknowledging him; head high, furious.

But when he's in the back of the car, and Elena's eyes are fixed on the road ahead, Rufus lets out a long, shaky breath. He doesn't understand what's just happened.

Everyone in Edge knows the legends – Rufus Shinra never bleeds; never cries. But in the darkness, behind tinted glass, Rufus presses his fingers to his eyes, and when he takes them away, they're wet.

Reno knows he's hurt Rufus, and he feels as much self-loathing as even Rufus could wish him to, because he does care for his boss – his lover – and always has, even before they became whatever the hell it is that they are to each other now. But Rufus is not Sephiroth, and, cruelly irrational as it may be, Reno can't forgive him for that.

At the back of the wardrobe, Reno keeps the wooden box containing all he has left of his dark-winged angel – his obsession – the only person he has ever loved in this intense, consuming way. His feelings for Rufus are different in quality. Maybe it's a kind of love? But not love like he felt for the one he lost. Reno sighs. He can't think about Rufus now.

Reverently, Reno opens the box and takes out a feather – just one. He knows he should destroy these relics. Keeping them goes beyond mourning, beyond grief. It's a dark form of worship.

Reno has never believed in gods. He put all his faith in Sephiroth - his only religion.

The feather gleams blue-black in the soft light of Reno's bedroom. Sighing, Reno runs a gentle finger along its glossy length; strokes it against his cheek and over his lips. He catches the faintest trace of the smell, the taste of his lover, and it makes him moan aloud; a sound of pure longing.

Reno wishes he could cry, half laughing at himself for the thought. He's a Turk – a killer – what use are tears to him? Even when he first heard the news about Nibelheim – the official lies that had Sephiroth listed as killed in action – he hadn't been able to cry. Part of him never believed that Sephiroth was dead even after he was sent to Nibelheim himself as part of the operation to cover up Sephiroth's crimes – even after he read the reports detailing Cloud Strife's actions and the description – burned into Reno's memory – of Cloud throwing Sephiroth into the pit of mako inside the reactor.

Reno knows he should try to forget about Sephiroth. Rufus cares for him, possibly even loves him. The last time he saw Sephiroth was on a warm evening in early autumn back in 2002 – nine years ago. So much has happened since – it was so long ago - that surely he should have moved on?

But he can't move on, because with Sephiroth you can never be sure that he's not coming back. _I will never be a memory_. Or never _only_ a memory. For Reno, Sephiroth is a thousand memories – the most important of his life.

Holding the feather carefully in his open palm, Reno recalls one of those memories – one of the sweetest, and, after everything that happened later, one of the most painful: the day Sephiroth first revealed his wing.

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**Next - memories.**


	3. A Part of You

**Thank you kind people who reviewed. **

**This chapter is a flashback - hence the past tense. Still not sure if this tense switching works.**

**If Reno and Sephiroth seem a bit (!) slushy and OOC here, I can only apologise and say Reno was very young then. He gets more cynical and hardened as the story goes on - although probably not as much as he should. But this is just a fantasy, so, if it's not one you want to entertain there's a ton of entertainment elsewhere on this site XP**

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**A Part of You**

Sephiroth and Reno: possibly the least likely pairing ever to have come out of Shin-Ra. Maybe that was why nobody ever suspected them. Reno and Sephiroth – a most equal of seemingly unequal partnerships. For a year now, from just after Reno's seventeenth birthday, they had been lovers.

They were together as often as they could be – which wasn't often. The war with Wutai was raging and Sephiroth was away fighting in three-week postings, with a few days back in Midgar in between. He wouldn't have been granted even this time for recuperation, except that Hojo needed to monitor his development and keep up the mako injections.

Reno, who had begun his active service in the Turks in his sixteenth year, was now a trusted operative and often out on assignments when Sephiroth was in Midgar. When their time in the Shin-Ra building happened to coincide, they would find each other, Reno using his considerable knowledge of the security systems to ensure that they wouldn't be caught together on cameras or microphones.

Both of them knew, without having to discuss it, that their relationship would not be condoned by their superiors. Turks and SOLDIERS did not mix – everyone knew that; Veld disapproved of workplace liaisons, and Sephiroth was the company poster-boy and the darling of the press: his adoring fans of all genders would definitely not be happy to learn that their hero was unavailable.

Reno lay on the bed beside Sephiroth threading silver strands of the SOLDIER's wonderful hair through his fingers.

"You never get tired of playing with it, do you?" asked Sephiroth, smiling tolerantly.

"And you love it when I do!" retorted Reno, with the cocky grin Sephiroth always found irresistible.

"Yes…" Sephiroth sighed, and Reno was instantly alert to something being wrong. "What is it?" he asked.

"Something happened on the last tour of duty."

"In Wutai?"

"Yes."

"Tell me?"

Sephiroth frowned, but not at Reno. "I'm…scared to tell you."

"Scared? You're Sephiroth, yo!" But Reno wasn't smiling. He knew his lover well by this time – Sephiroth wouldn't use the word scared unless he meant it. Slowly the young Turk asked, "So – what are you scared of? You must know that nothing you say can make any difference to me wanting you. I know what you are – what you do, just like you know me."

"Perhaps nothing I can _say_, no. But there's something I have to show you, and I'm afraid that you'll find it…repellent."

"What!" Reno looked into Sephiroth's eyes, smiling. "Haven't I shown you enough times how totally _un_repellent I find you? You're, like, _attractant_, yo! I can't resist you."

"But – this is different. It happened during a battle –"

"So you got some new scars? C'mon Seph, you've _counted_ mine. What, this is something the mako couldn't heal? It doesn't matter."

"Not scars. Not quite."

"Show me! You're probably making it sound ten times worse than it is."

"No. I…Let me explain first," Sephiroth said. But for a long time he didn't speak, only lay beside Reno and watched the Turk's long fingers playing with his hair. Reno made no comment – just waited.

At last Sephiroth said, "It happened on the battlefield, just outside Fort Haion. It was two weeks ago. I thought I was going to die, and I've never really felt that before. Obviously there have been difficult situations, but I could always see a way out."

"Yeah. Know that scenario. Been in some damn tight corners, yo." Reno didn't need to say any more: they'd both seen enough combat to understand how those occasions felt.

"I was surrounded, and everyone else in my unit was dead. The Wutai troops were mostly wounded, but they had a group of elite warriors with them, and they fought hard – best I've seen so far. There were too many of them, and they were closing in and I was out of options. And – and then –"

"Tell me?" Reno's voice was calm, but he was worried. He'd never known Sephiroth like this – uncertain and hesitant.

"Then –" Sephiroth took a slow breath. "Then I was _flying_."

Reno was still. "Flying? What do you mean? Like – enhanced jumping?" But he knew that wasn't what Sephiroth meant.

"No – really flying. I grew…or gained…ah! I can't explain it. It just happened. I was flying – with a wing – that appeared out of nowhere."

"You grew _wings_?"

"_A _wing. One. And I knew how to use it without thinking. I flew, and I landed behind their circle and just cut them down. When it was over, the wing vanished."

"Magic? Some kind of new materia?" Reno asked hopefully. But from Sephiroth's troubled expression he knew that the answer was nothing so simple.

"No. It – it seems to be a part of me. I can make it appear and disappear. I've been practising. But it scares me, Reno. What does it mean? It should be impossible."

"What do the scientists say? Hojo? It must be something to do with the mako – you know what weird stuff that is."

"I don't want to ask them. What if it's just me? They're always telling me I'm special – but… I wish Genesis and Angeal were still here. I wonder if they were like this too?"

Reno knew how much the desertion of Genesis and the disappearance of Angeal had hurt Sephiroth. Apart from Reno they had been his only real friends. Although he had sometimes felt jealous of their closeness, Reno knew that Sephiroth had liked and trusted them both, despite Angeal's endless lectures about honour and Genesis's constant quoting of _Loveless_. Sephiroth had been abandoned by both of them for reasons still unknown.

Sitting up, and forcing himself to sound cheerful, Reno said, "Well – let me see it then!"

"What?"

"Let me see this wing. What colour is it – like your hair?"

"No. Black."

"Black's cool." Reno put his hand on Sephiroth's cheek. "C'mon Seph. It's me. I don't care if you have, like, seven wings in every colour of the rainbow, yo! It's still you and me."

"All right." Sephiroth got to his feet, stripping off the black t-shirt he'd been wearing, leaving him clad only in dark jeans. Reno smiled. "Hey, sexy."

"When it appears it tends to rip clothes. I've got through three coats already."

"Right. Could get expensive, I guess."

"Hmm." Sephiroth knew that Reno was aiming to lighten the mood, to make things easier for him, but he still felt so nervous that nausea coursed through him. He looked at Reno and then – the wing materialised with a soft sweeping sound.

"Oh!" Reno exclaimed. "Feathers! I was expecting, maybe, more like a bat or something…" Without hesitation Reno approached Sephiroth and put out a hand to touch the long feathers. "These are - wow!" Gently, Reno stroked the black feathers near Sephiroth's right shoulder. The wing rustled as Sephiroth moved nervously.

"So soft!" Reno said. "How does it feel, when I touch it?"

"Nice," replied Sephiroth. "Like when you stroke my hair."

"Mmm." Reno's caress was soothing. Sephiroth allowed himself a tentative smile. "So – you don't hate it? You don't think I'm a freak?"

"It's part of you. I think it's amazing. I think you're an angel." Reno kissed Sephiroth, and the SOLDIER gently folded his lover in his arms, and in the dark, silky feathers of his wing. Reno shivered and for a moment Sephiroth was worried, until he saw Reno's rapt expression as the feathers touched the exposed skin of his arms. The Turk stepped back just far enough to allow him to pull off his shirt, then drew Sephiroth into a closer embrace, the SOLDIER's firm, warm flesh against his chest, and soft feathers stroking his back. Leaning his head on Sephiroth's shoulder, Reno sighed happily. "Fuck, Seph," he murmured, "This is going to be _so_ good!"

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**It would be though, wouldn't it? Or is that just me and some weird feather-kink going on?**


	4. Competition

**Thank you to everyone who has reviewed this story - I very much appreciate it. **

**Rufus is about to make a discovery he's not going to like...**

**Warnings: some swearing.**

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**Competition**

Rufus pulls himself together and pushes the button to lower the glass screen that separates him from Elena.

"Turn around," he says. "We're going to the _Seventh Heaven_."

"But Reno said –" Elena begins before she can stop herself.

"_Reno's_ giving the orders now?" asks Rufus, his tone dangerous.

Elena shakes her head, angry at her slip. "No Sir. Sorry, Sir." She turns the car around.

Cloud doesn't bother to hide his astonishment as Rufus walks into the bar, Elena in tow. Tifa looks up from clearing tables, with a little, cynical smile. "Must be Shin-Ra night," she comments quietly.

"Rufus Shinra," says Cloud, his tone carefully neutral.

"Reno was here earlier?" Rufus asks.

"Yes."

"Hm. I need to talk to you."

Cloud nods and gestures to the door leading to the back room where he spoke to Reno earlier in the evening. Elena steps through, checks the room, then nods to Rufus, who enters. Rufus glances at the couch; opts for an armchair instead. He looks at Elena. "Wait outside."

"Yes, Sir."

When the blonde Turk has gone, Cloud sits on the couch eyeing Rufus warily. "So…"

"I need to know what Reno discussed with you."

Cloud shakes his head. "Wouldn't be much of a barman if I gossiped about my customers."

"No, but this is important. I don't need details – he told me you discussed the past – just an idea of _who_ he was talking about."

"That's it?"

"Yes. You have my word."

Cloud can't suppress an incredulous "Huh!" at the idea of Rufus Shinra's _word_. He looks at the Shin-Ra president, considering possible consequences, not really seeing how it could hurt. "All right," he says at last. "He wanted to know about my last battle with Sephiroth."

"Sephiroth?" Rufus's expression freezes. Cloud can almost see the calculations going on behind those cool blue eyes.

"Thank you," Rufus says, formal and distant. He rises to leave. Cloud asks, "What's going on?"

"Nothing. It's not important," says Rufus, contradicting himself; not caring.

Back in the car Rufus curses himself silently. How can he have been so blind, so stupid? And for so long!

"Take me back to Reno's," he tells Elena. Her eyes widen slightly, but she only replies, "Yes, Sir," and turns the car around again.

Rufus struggles to retain his outward composure. _Sephiroth_! He can't really believe what his mind is telling him must be the case. Reno and Sephiroth. He feels a surge of fury. Just who the hell does Reno think he is anyway? He's had some kind of … what? Infatuation? Encounter? _Relationship_? ... with fucking Sephiroth! How is Rufus ever supposed to compete with that?

For the first time in any sexual relationship, Rufus feels a bruising sense of inadequacy. Sephiroth was superhuman. His thousands of fans called him a fucking _god_! He had enhanced strength, reflexes – everything. How boring and mundane Rufus must have seemed to Reno after Sephiroth!

From the start, Rufus has always felt that Reno isn't quite as eager as his former lovers have been. His slight distance attracted Rufus at first: Reno presented a challenge, and it wasn't often that the president of Shin-Ra was challenged by trying to persuade people into bed. He was used to willing – not to say desperate – men and women throwing themselves at him all the time, drawn by his power, his status, his money, his looks…

Reno seems to like Rufus's looks all right, but he has never shown the slightest attraction to status, power or wealth – or, at least, not to their associated trappings. Turks are very well paid, but Reno owns little: a modest apartment, a small, fast sports car, a few clothes and gadgets.

At the start of their relationship Rufus tried to give Reno a taste of his own starry lifestyle, insofar as it still existed after Meteor, but the red-haired Turk wasn't interested, preferring to spend his free time in out-of-the-way downtown clubs, or bars in the ruins of the slums. He hated shopping, didn't care about jewellery - always wearing the same simple earring - didn't want _stuff_. Still doesn't, even now that so much of the world has been rebuilt, and everything's available again.

In a fairly desperate bid to impress his gorgeous, half-interested lover, Rufus showered Reno with gifts at first, because he thought that's what you _did_ - because all his other lovers had cooed with excitement and expressed their gratitude in various satisfying ways… But Reno accepted his offerings with a mixture of amusement and bemusement, until he finally asked Rufus to stop.

"Rufus – it's kind, yo! But I don't need… I mean, a pen's a pen to me, man. Having it made outta gold's only gonna make me feel bad when I lose it. You want someone who likes the shiny – go date some fangirl, huh? Turks don't tend…I mean, it's all about the job, yeah?"

"I only wanted…"

Reno had smiled and given Rufus a kiss with more warmth in it than usual. "I know. And – thanks. But you don't need to. I'm not goin' anywhere, 'kay?"

And that is as close to a declaration of – whatever – as Reno has ever come.

They were born two weeks apart, but Rufus sometimes feels that Reno is older than him by years. Sighing, he realises that he can't talk to Reno about Sephiroth yet. He needs facts. It occurs to him, with a jolt, that if he's right – if the feather tattoo – which he now remembers is in an S-shape: Gaia, how many fucking clues does he _need?_ – if it was done when Reno was eighteen, that means he knew what Sephiroth was long before anyone else did. Maybe, even, before the scientists. What does that make Reno? A traitor to Shin-Ra? Or just a man protecting someone he cared about? And what does Reno feel for Sephiroth now? Why has he been asking Cloud about that battle, after all this time?

Rufus needs answers. He longs to see Reno – and dreads it. But he needs facts first. Something to give him some kind of power in this relationship that suddenly seems to be slipping away from him.

"Elena, turn around," he orders. "We're going to the Shin-Ra building."

Elena masks a sigh, as she turns the car around yet again.

Alone in his office Rufus torments himself by extracting from the files every last poster, magazine cover, signed photo – fucking _bubblegum card_ – image after image on the glowing screen of his laptop. Sephiroth. Sephiroth in battledress. Sephiroth posing with the masamune. Military photographs of Sephiroth in action on the battlefield. A couple of almost pornographic fan magazine spreads of Sephiroth stripped to the waist, pants low on his hips and, in one case, suggestively undone – Sephiroth lying on a bed with red silk sheets looking away from the camera, peeling off one black leather glove with his teeth. Fucking Sephiroth! Fucking sexy, beautiful, magnificent Sephiroth, with his divine body and his angel's face!

And his demon's soul, Rufus reminds himself – because if ever an angel fell…

From the heights of glory to the depths of Hell, Sephiroth fell, one bright October day in a backwater village called Nibelheim.

Angel turned monster, with a black, feathered wing.

Permanent black feathers forming a curving S, darkly inked into the pale skin of Reno's back.

Rufus glares at Sephiroth's seductively smiling mouth, noticing that in none of the pictures does that smile reach his cool, green eyes. Did he smile for Reno? Did that distant expression soften and grow warm when they were together? Rufus finds the thought unbearable, and he can't stand the feeling. Sexual jealousy is new to him: he's never been in a relationship before where he cared enough to mind – and anyway, no-one has ever dared to betray him.

Rufus's lip curls in a snarl as he looks at the picture currently on the screen – Sephiroth standing, in uniform, long silver hair falling softly around his perfect face.

"You can't have him," Rufus says aloud. "He's _mine_!"

Sephiroth is dead but Rufus still fears his power. How do you break an angel's hold on the heart of a mortal man?

Maybe he's worrying unnecessarily? Rufus looks at the list he's compiled – all the dates on which Reno and Sephiroth were in the Shin-Ra building at the same time. Fewer than forty occasions – some spanning a week or more, but the vast majority only lasting one or two days. Reno was recruited into the Turks at fifteen: when Nibelheim burned he was nineteen, and Sephiroth twenty-four. Perhaps it was a brief, intense infatuation – nothing more? Perhaps Reno only keeps the meaning of his tattoo secret because he's ashamed of his former feelings for the hero turned monster?

But then he finds another picture – one from the labs – from a medical check Sephiroth had in December 2000. Rufus gasps; puts his hand over his mouth in an unconscious gesture of denial. How has no-one in SOLDIER, no-one in the Turks ever noticed this – ever put the pieces together? A photograph of Sephiroth's back, his hair swept to one side to reveal a line of curving, red, dragon-claw tattoos along his spine. Exactly the same size and colour and shape as the ones on Reno's cheekbones. Beneath the picture one of the scientists has written _tattoos – mid December 2000. Significance – 'decorative'._ Rufus knows the significance though, and it makes him feel sick. Reno's feelings for Sephiroth were reciprocated. They were together. Lovers. For how long? How did it end? Or had it continued until that day in Nibelheim when the world changed forever?

Rufus knows there's only one way to be sure: he's going to have to confront Reno, and ask him. But Reno probably isn't even talking to him at the moment – and that's completely unreasonable, because Reno is the one in the wrong. Rufus sighs. He _won't_ apologize for something he hasn't done. But he needs to see Reno. He has to know the truth.

This time Rude drives him, because Elena's gone off duty. Rude, as always, is quiet and professional - making no comment on their destination or the lateness of the hour. When they arrive at Reno's building Rude insists on escorting Rufus to the door and waiting until Reno answers it: until Rufus is inside, the boss is Rude's responsibility.

Reno doesn't look as though he's slept. He's wearing the same worn jeans he pulled on before Elena arrived, and his eyes are tired. He nods at Rude, then leans on the doorframe, considering Rufus. At last he says, "Well?"

"Can I come in?" Rufus fights to keep the irritation from his tone. Reno looks at him for a long moment, then lowers his eyes and nods, stepping back to allow Rufus to pass. Rude says nothing, but Reno can sense his concern: he knows something's badly amiss. "I'll – see you at work tomorrow," says Reno quietly. Rude nods and turns to leave. Reno watches his partner walking away down the corridor, wishing he could go with him, find an open bar, have a beer in companionable silence, instead of having to face the confrontation with Rufus he knows is coming.

Closing the door, Reno turns to find Rufus setting up his laptop on the coffee table. Without looking at Reno, Rufus says, "You owe me an apology."

Reno sighs. Rufus's stubborn pride is one of the more wearing things about him. "You're right," he concedes, too tired to argue. "I was distracted, earlier. I'm sorry."

"I'm not talking about that."

Reno looks up, eyes narrowing. If Rufus has come to pick a new fight, Reno's _really_ not in the mood. He's about to say something to that effect when he sees the image on Rufus's laptop screen. Reno freezes. His face is paler than Rufus has ever seen it, but it's the expression in his eyes that makes Rufus's heart lurch. Shock, swiftly followed by a look Rufus has never seen from Reno– pure, undisguised longing. Reno's left hand moves towards the picture on the screen – an instinctive, involuntary movement. He whispers, "Seph…"

Rufus has his answer.

"You still love him." There's no point in making it a question. Reno makes no attempt to deny anything – just nods wordlessly, his eyes meeting Rufus's for a moment, then sliding away. Not looking down, Rufus notes with helpless anger, but back to the glowing screen.

"He loved you?"

"Yes!"

"How long were you…together?"

Reno drags his gaze back to Rufus. The difficulty he has doing that is a knife in the president's heart. Even the _image_ of Sephiroth is more compelling than he is, it seems.

"Why does it matter?" Reno asks. "He's dead."

"You never told me. I never knew…"

"No-one knew. It was safer that way."

"You got that tattoo – for him. You knew about the wing – a year before anyone else did."

"He was afraid people… would think…"

"What?" Rufus is bitter and frustrated, turning pain outward, as he always does – flinging it away from himself. "Afraid that people would think he was a _monster_? Afraid they'd see the truth? And what did you do? Tell him that it was fine – that you didn't care how many fucking wings he sprouted?"

"Yes," murmurs Reno. "Almost exactly that."

"You didn't _mind?_"

"No. It was part of him. It was – beautiful."

"How can you still love him? After all he's done? The people he's killed?"

Reno laughs harshly. "You can ask me that? How can _you_ love _me _– after all _I've_ done…the people _I've_ killed?"

Rufus is taken aback by the question. Stalling, he asks, "Who said anything about me loving you?"

Reno just looks at him. Rufus can't hold the Turk's knowing gaze. As so often, Reno makes Rufus feel like a schoolboy – hopelessly out of his depth. "B -but you were just following orders," he stammers.

"Whereas Sephiroth discovered that his whole life was a lie, and believed that he wasn't human, but a Cetra whose birthright had been stolen from him. He thought he'd been enslaved by Shin-Ra – and he thought right – about that part at least! Who had more excuse, Rufus, him, or me? How can I judge him for what he did? How can I judge anyone?"

Rufus doesn't reply. Reno sighs and comes to sit on the sofa next to his boss – his lover. "Perhaps I should have told you. I thought I could keep it in the past. I – understand – if you want to finish things…"

Rufus knows he should be angry – should say yes – it's over – because Rufus Shinra comes second to no-one, ever. He hears himself say, "Is that what you want?"

Reno hesitates. Rufus's mouth is dry, and his heart is racing. He suddenly knows that he can't bear to lose Reno – however much it goes against his pride to say so. "Don't answer that!" he says, panicking. "I don't want … You're right – I…I do love you."

Reno understands how much that declaration has cost Rufus. He wonders if the president has ever said those words to anyone else. Smiling sadly, Reno puts a hand against Rufus's cheek and kisses him. "If you want, I'll try," he says. "I'm just afraid that I'll never be able to give you enough. After Nibelheim…"

"Tell me," Rufus says, holding Reno's face between his hands, looking into those blue-green eyes. "Tell me how it was. I want to understand. I don't want to lose you."

Reno puts an arm around Rufus, who sinks into his embrace, leaning his head on Reno's shoulder, gold and red hair mingled. They both gaze at the image of Sephiroth on the computer screen – one of the more suggestive, half-naked magazine pictures aimed at the fans. Reno says quietly, "Gaia – he hated doing those shots! PR used to make him…He'd come back in a foul mood, talking about the kind of idiots who'd idolize a SOLDIER, and I used to say –"

"What?" prompts Rufus gently. Every word Reno says in that soft, nostalgic tone is a wound to Rufus's pride, but he makes himself listen. If this is what it takes to keep Reno…

"You don't want to hear all this. It's not fair."

"I do. I don't like it, but I have to know. I _need_ to know. If I'm going to lose you to a ghost, I need to understand why."

"You're not going to lose – Not unless you don't want –" Reno can't put his feelings into words. Sephiroth was always the one for that – eloquent and well-read – always knowing what to say. Reno starts again. "I'll try," he says. "Maybe, if I tell you about him…like…an exorcism? I don't know. I want to move on from this – obsession…but…"

"What's stopping you?"

'He came back. Twice."

Rufus feels his blood turn icy. Carefully he asks, "But you didn't see him, those two times?"

"No. I wish…But no. But, you see, I think somewhere in my head, I still hope that he might…"

"Hope?"

"Yes. I'm sorry – but – yes. If I could see him again…"

"So that's why you talked to Cloud?"

Reno shakes his head. "_That's_ how you figured it out? Yeah – I had to know what it was like, the last time he was here. But Cloud said he was worse than ever – not sane, not human."

"Reno – the Sephiroth you knew died in the reactor at Nibelheim. The Sephiroth who came back – he was as much Jenova as Sephiroth. The human part of him is gone, I'm certain. Really – how could it survive?"

"I – don't know. I suppose it would be impossible to bring him back now in any case. Cloud said there were no Jenova cells left."

"No. The last remaining samples in the labs were destroyed during Omega." Rufus has never had much compunction about lying – and from his point of view, it's entirely justifiable now. Bringing Sephiroth back is simply unthinkable. Reno has no idea what he's wishing for.

"Ah. I suppose…that's…for the best." Reno sounds defeated, though. He sighs. "It's just – he promised he'd come back. Before he left for Nibelheim."

Reno falls silent, remembering.

* * *

**Thanks for reading.**

**TBC. Next - more memories.**


	5. Not Crashing

**Reno remembers the past.**

**

* * *

**

**Not Crashing**

"I've already said this to Zack," Sephiroth said, not looking at Reno, staring out of the window, down at the Sector Four and Five reactors glowing green in the late September twilight. "Depending on what I find out, I may leave Shin-Ra."

"Oh! But –"

Sephiroth had turned to him then, his eyes burning. "Reno – I have to find out what's been going on – with Lazard – Hollander – Angeal and Genesis. They must have had their reasons for turning on the company. Ever since I fought with Elfe in Junon, I've been thinking about what she asked – why do I fight? Why do I fight for _Shin-Ra_? All those people I killed in Wutai – I didn't hate them. Those I protect here, I do not love – except for my comrades in SOLDIER, and you. Reno – I know what being with the Turks means to you. If I leave Shin-Ra, what will you do?"

Sephiroth could hardly bear the hurt in Reno's eyes, as he replied, "Come with you, of course. Did you think you needed to _ask_?"

"I didn't _need_ to. I know you love me. I thought I _should_ ask. It's so much to ask. Too much to assume, or expect…" Sephiroth sighed. "After all – your life is here."

Reno shook his head. He crossed the room, and took Sephiroth's hands in his own. "_You're_ my life."

"Reno!" Sephiroth kissed him; held him close. "I may leave Shin-Ra, but I will never leave you. I will come back for you, no matter what happens."

Reno managed a shaky smile. "You'd better…"

"I promise."

"Then I won't worry." Reno reached up to twine his fingers in Sephiroth's beautiful hair, pulling him down into a kiss that was blended equally of desire and love.

In the morning, Sephiroth departed for Nibelheim.

.~~~~~~~~.

Rufus watches Reno's face, feeling a pang at his lover's lost expression. "Memories?" he asks, making himself sound gentle, even though he's raging internally.

"Mm. He promised…"

"So, if he was still who he used to be, he would have tried to come back to you by now."

Reno's obvious hurt makes Rufus feel physical pain. He's not sure if it's sympathy or jealousy.

"I suppose he would."

"Reno – you have to try to get him out of your head. He's not coming back. He _can't_ come back. Like you said – you need to exorcise him. What I don't understand is, how did a Turk and a SOLDIER get together in the first place? Where in Gaia did you _meet_?"

Reno looks down at his hands. "Do you really want to hear all that?" he asks.

Rufus takes a deep breath, and makes himself reply, "Yes."

.~~~~~~~~~.

It began with a helicopter ride. Reno was excited and nervous because, at just seventeen, he was not immune to a little hero-worship – and this was going to be Sephiroth himself – in _his _chopper – flying all the way to Junon before catching the troopship back to Wutai.

Reno badly wanted a cigarette as he waited beside the prepped chopper for the Soldier First Class to appear, but smoking on duty was strictly forbidden, and anyway, Reno wanted to do Veld proud and show the great Sephiroth how professional the Turks were.

The elevator pinged, and the doors slid open silently. Sephritoth walked out onto the roof and crossed to the helipad. He looked exactly as he did in the newspapers and magazines – just … Reno found his brain supplying him with a list of words he had never applied to a man before: stunning – gorgeous – _beautiful_… He dragged his gaze away from the SOLDIER's astonishingly toned body; his angelic face; all that long, silver hair… Reno imagined what Rude would say if he could see his partner at this moment: "Reno – pull it together – you're drooling!" Standing up straighter, Reno paid Sephiroth the compliment of taking his hands out of his pockets, and smiling politely instead of flashing his usual cocky grin.

Up close, Sephiroth's face was absolutely flawless. His eyes were a brilliant turquoise colour – mako-enhanced, of course, but different from the blue of most SOLDIERS. His skin was very pale.

It suddenly occurred to Reno that the hero of SOLDIER – the Demon of Wutai – was _nervous_.

As usual, words tumbled out of Reno's mouth before he could stop them. "Not keen on flying, huh?" he asked cheerfully. "Don't worry, I'll look after you, yo!"

_Oh yeah_, the Turk admonished himself internally, _way to go Reno! _Very_ professional. Very cool. _But Sephiroth only looked at him. One elegantly curved eyebrow rose slightly, and he asked, "How could you tell?"

"Seen enough nervous flyers," Reno told him. "Which bit don'tcha like? Motion? Height? Lack of control?"

"Motion, mainly," Sephiroth admitted, with a slight smile. "And lack of control, I suppose. SOLDIERs aren't used to that."

"No worries, yo!" Reno told him, his usual grin firmly back in place. "Why don't you ride up front with me, and I'll talk you through what I'm doing? The motion's much better if you can see out front, too."

"Well – yes – thank you," replied Sephiroth, after a moment's deliberation. "I believe that might help."

Reno smiled to himself at Sephiroth's rather formal speech patterns. He sounded almost like some of the President's high society friends.

Once they were seated in the cockpit, Reno smiled across at Sephiroth, who gave him a slight nod. "Ready?" Reno asked.

"Yes." Sephiroth glanced at the Turk as the young pilot ran through his pre-flight checks, and turned the throttle to a hundred percent. "By the way," the SOLDIER asked, "What's your name?"

"Reno."

"Reno. I'm Sephiroth."

Reno raised his eyebrows and shot Sephiroth an amused grin. "Yeah," he said, with a ripple of laughter in his voice, "I know who you are, yo!

"So – cyclic, collective, anti-torque pedals," explained Reno, pointing out the relevant controls. Sephiroth watched as Reno lifted the helicopter smoothly into the air. They hovered for a moment over the Shin-Ra building before Reno pushed the cyclic forward and pulled up on the collective, moving them away and up into the clouds that were an almost permanent feature of the skies above the Midgar.

"Okay so far?" Reno asked. Sephiroth nodded. "Cyclic, collective, anti-torque pedals. Speed, height – and what? I'm unclear as to what the pedals do."

"Control the tail rotor. Without it the body of the chopper'd turn the opposite way to the main rotor."

"So the tail rotor counteracts that torque. I see," Sephiroth nodded. Reno was impressed. "Good!" he said. "You're a fast learner. You'll be flyin' me before you know it!" Then Reno thought of the quip that Rude or Angelo might make – along the lines of "I'm Reno, fly me…" and he turned to look out of the window to hide a smile.

Sephiroth only replied, "Hmm. I think I'll leave the flying to you, thank you."

Reno found Sephiroth surprisingly attentive and easy to talk to. Sure the SOLDIER was a little formal – but he had a quiet courtesy and a genuine interest in the things Reno was telling him that the red-haired Turk found quite… charming.

At the end of the flight, when they'd touched down safely in Junon and Reno had turned the throttle to zero, Sephiroth actually smiled at him as they waited for the rotors to stop turning.

"That was better than any flight I've been on," Sephiroth said. "Thank you."

"It's a pleasure, yo!" Reno replied. "Really. If you ever want a flying lesson…"

"I…think I'll still leave the flying to you," Sephiroth said. "But – I'd like it if you'd be the pilot when I fly back to Midgar in three weeks."

"Ah – I don't give the orders. Schedules are down to Tseng," Reno replied, with a touch of regret. Already he could picture himself telling Rude – casually, in the bar – "Oh yeah – and Sephiroth asked me to fly him back…"

"I see. Well – thank you, Reno."

Reno checked that the blades were still and jumped lightly down from the cockpit. Without thinking, he held out his hand to Sephiroth, as he did with all inexperienced passengers. Sephiroth hesitated, then put his gloved hand in Reno's and stepped down with such inhuman grace that he almost seemed to be floating. Reno flushed, realising how unnecessary it had been to offer Sephiroth his hand, but the contact made his heartbeat quicken. Letting go of his hand, Sephiroth nodded, and turned to leave.

"You – take care, in Wutai!" called Reno. "Don't get hurt, yo!"

Oh crap! What a stupid thing to say – to _Sephiroth_! Might as well have said _don't get killed_!

But the SOLDIER only gave him a slight, amused smile and said, "I'll… try not to."

Reno watched him walk away, then went for a much-needed cigarette while the Junon ground crew refuelled the chopper. Reno leaned against the barracks wall and cursed himself thoroughly. Gaia – he must think I'm a fucking idiot! _Don't get hurt_! And helping him down from the chopper like someone's friggin' granny! Reno – what is _wrong_ with you?

Then he shrugged and grinned to himself. _He seemed to like the ride though. And at least I can tell Rude I actually _touched_ Sephiroth! Don't suppose I'll see him again…_

What Reno tried very hard _not_ to think about was Sephiroth's face, Sephiroth's hair, Sephiroth's eyes – the quiet, intelligent interest in his expression – the touch of his hand…

_Gaia_, he thought, acknowledging that the silver-haired SOLDIER aroused him more than he would have thought possible, _If ever a guy could do it for me…_

For the next three weeks, Reno found himself thinking about Sephiroth pretty much constantly. When Tseng called him into the office to tell him that he'd be flying the SOLDIER back from Junon, Reno's heart actually missed a beat.

When he saw Sephiroth waiting on the dock at Junon, Reno couldn't help smiling. The SOLDIER greeted him calmly, with a polite nod. "Hello, Reno. It seems Tseng listened to my request, then."

"You requested me?"

"Yes." Sephiroth seemed surprised. "Didn't Tseng say?"

"Not a word – but, that's him all over, yo! Well – I'm flattered!"

Sephiroth frowned. "Don't be. You're just the best pilot I know, that's all."

"Sure – but – that's why I'm flattered, man! What else…?"

"No – nothing."

Their eyes met, then they both looked away. The air suddenly felt static – like the build-up of charge on Reno's EMR before he pressed the trigger switch.

Sephiroth said, "We'd better go."

"Yes."

Once they were clear of Junon, Sephiroth suddenly said, "Set down over there."

"But – "

"You're _my_ pilot, for this mission. Please do as I ask."

Reno shrugged. "Guess – you're the boss."

As soon as the chopper had landed and Reno had turned the power off, he turned to Sephiroth and asked, "Well?

"I…" Sephiroth seemed awkward. Reno looked at him, his heart suddenly beating harder.

"I didn't want you to crash," Sephiroth said with a slight smile.

Reno was indignant. "I would never cra –"

Reno's words were cut short by a long, hard kiss that seared his soul. He was drawn irresistibly – had never experienced anything so purely erotic. He found himself responding with everything he had, flooded with longing desire.

When Sephiroth finally pulled back a little, Reno gasped, "Oh Gaia! I…I so would've crashed!"

Sephiroth laughed softly. "I've been thinking about you - all the time."

"Mmm. Me too – about you. But I never thought…"

"Why not?"

"Why not? Because you – you're fucking _Sephiroth_!"

"And you're Reno. _My_ Reno – if you'll be mine?"

"Yeah - oh – Gaia – yes!"

They were very late back to Midgar. Reno invented some complicated technical reason why they'd had to stop for a minor repair – "Just to be on the safe side, because – wouldn't want to risk SOLDIER's greatest hero, yo!"

Tseng, who had little interest in mechanics, wrote off the mission as successfully completed.

So did Reno, who didn't stop smiling all week.

* * *

**Thanks for reading. **

**Next: Rufus reaches the end of his patience.**


	6. Reclamation

**Thank you to everyone who has read and especially those who have reviewed!**

**This chapter has some swearing and some sex, together with not very veiled references to sex of various kinds. You've been warned! This is as graphic as this story is going to get though i.e. not all that graphic. But if you're squeamish about such things, you may want to skip this chapter.**

**The next one will be much fluffier****.**

**Rufus wants to know how he's different from Sephiroth...**

**Has anyone ever used the word 'different' in this context and not meant 'worse', I wonder?**

* * *

**Reclamation**

Rufus hates listening to Reno recounting his past with Sephiroth, but all the same, it's horribly compelling.

"So – your first time with Sephiroth was in a helicopter outside Junon?"

"First time with any guy."

"Right. So – what? You fucked him? He fucked you?"

"We – made love," says Reno, firmly. "How – what – those things are my memories of him. I'm sorry Rufus, but some things – off limits, even to you."

"_Made love_!" Rufus scoffs. "You sound like some lovesick teen!"

"I _was_ a lovesick teen." Reno smiles sadly. "Yeah – lovesick about sums it up. Obsessed. Only – I do think he felt the same about me."

"Of course he did!" Rufus is suddenly angry and lustful. Competition always turns him on, and it seems that applies to relationships as much as to business. "Reno – you're just…Even compared to Sephiroth – I'd still want you."

"Boss…"

"Don't! Don't call me that! Use my fucking name, Reno!"

"Okay! But – Rufus –"

"No – not like that. I want to hear you say it like you mean it. Come on, Reno. Tell me one thing – just one thing – that I do better than Sephiroth, and I'll do what ever you want, right now, until you're yelling my name, like you used to at the start."

"Rufus, I'm not doing that – that whole comparison thing. It's no good for anyone, yo."

"_One_ thing, Reno! Surely there's _one _thing?"

"Look – Rufus – it's not like that. I'm sure there're lots of things… I mean, it's not like one way's better – or worse – just… different."

"Well, let's break it down, shall we? Is he a better kisser than me? We'll say yes, shall we, because of that whole _not crashing the helicopter_ thing?"

Reno can't answer. If there's one thing he loved more than any other in the world, it was the depth and passion of those kisses. He looks at Rufus, half sorry, half angry. "Seph isn't anything now. He's dead. How can you ask me what he _is_? But yes – all right – if you insist on making me say it, he was a better kisser than you. Happy now? You're good, but he was just…" Reno shakes his head, and his eyes go soft, remembering. Rufus feels sick, but he can't stop pushing.

"So – I suppose he was better in bed, too. I suppose he knew all kinds of things I've never even thought of –"

"Stop it, Rufus!" Reno's voice is sharp and brittle. "Actually, you're wrong. There you are – something you do much better. All that kinky stuff you like? He wasn't into that at all. We were young, and pretty innocent, looking back. You taught me all that stuff."

"But you like it, don't you? You said I'd taken you places you wouldn't have thought of – like that was a good thing."

"Yeah. It was good. It _is_. Like I said – with Seph it was just – different."

Reno doesn't add the main point – with Rufus he needs the little twists Rufus gives to the game or it would get boring in the end. Rufus has given him new sensations – flirted on the shifting border between pleasure and pain – made him _feel_ when he thought he'd forgotten how.

But Sephiroth hadn't needed to. Sephiroth had been enough – always. Why would Sephiroth need to cuff him to the headboard, when one kiss confirmed that Reno was his entirely? Why would he need to test Reno's limits, when they'd already faced them head-on together, and found that, for each other, they had none?

Rufus likes games of dominance and control – likes to see Reno out of his comfort zone. Reno goes along with it all because seeking those heady thrills is all he has left.

With Sephiroth everything was easier. Sephiroth _was_ the thrill – the fantasy.

Rufus is hard-driven – always searching for the edge – the line Reno won't cross. It's as though he can't believe that Reno is really his – at heart he suspects that if he keeps pushing, eventually Reno will leave him.

Perhaps he's right?

Reno asks himself the question – _should I leave him_? He suspects that Tseng loves Rufus – that he always has. He believes that Tseng would be better for Rufus. The calm Wutaian would give Rufus what he needs – complete loyalty – a sense of total control. And yet, he'd be strong enough to resist Rufus' endless pushing. Tseng is a man who knows the exact boundaries of his own limits – has explored them, paced them out over time – will not deviate from them. Tseng would be a buffer for Rufus' hectic train-ride life – a bulwark Rufus could finally rest against.

Reno thinks that Rufus knows this.

But, at this point in his life, at least, Rufus doesn't want Tseng – doesn't want to rest. He wants Reno – the ebb and flow of power– the tensions and passions that constitute their uneasy alliance.

_What do I want_? Reno wonders. But he already knows. He wants the impossible.

He wants Sephiroth back.

Rufus has been staring at the image of Sephiroth on the screen. All at once he slams down the lid of the laptop and hurls the whole machine across the room. It hits the opposite wall, knocking a dent in the plaster, and crashes to the floor. Reno looks at the hole in the wall, then at Rufus. Rufus grabs Reno's arms, hauls him to his feet and kisses him hard. Reno makes a brief attempt at resistance, but his heart's not in it. Let Rufus have what he wants. Again.

When Rufus hits him – a hard backhand swipe across his mouth – Reno only licks his already-swelling lip and says, "Okay. Guess I asked for that."

Rufus shoves him down onto the carpet and kisses him again crushing his bruised mouth - fierce, invasive. Reno's body responds to Rufus' urgent, rough touch, and, as always, he finds himself persuaded. Rufus is very persuasive, especially when he's angry. Rufus' fingers are quick and precise – Reno's jeans are off and thrown aside before he has time to think about it – and then, with no warning, Rufus is inside him, violent and hard and so damned hot that Reno can't help moaning. "Ah fuck, Rufus!"

At the sound of his name, Rufus kisses Reno again, then bites his earlobe and whispers, "That's better," as he begins to thrust.

It's over too fast – both of them caught by surprise at the intensity of lust that has them swept up and over the crest of a wave neither of them saw coming. Rufus lies heavy on Reno's naked body, panting. He hasn't even taken off his jacket. Reno closes his eyes, one hand on Rufus' back, the other stroking his hair. "Fuck," he says again, gently. "Rufus!"

"Reno." Rufus' kiss is soft this time, and Reno smiles as he returns it.

Eventually Rufus says, "We should shower and go to bed. I've got a meeting in about three hours' time."

"Yeah." Reno stretches as Rufus gets up. He grins at Rufus, feeling almost as though things have returned to normal between them. "You're not gonna be able to wear that tomorrow, yo!"

Rufus looks down at his stained clothes. "No. I'll have a suit sent over."

"Right." Reno jumps to his feet, careless, as ever, of his nakedness. It's another difference between them: Reno has always been completely comfortable in his skin – Rufus rarely takes everything off, even alone with his lover. Rufus usually even prefers to shower alone, although there have been occasions when Reno's managed a little persuasion of his own on that score. It seems as though this is going to be one of those times, because when Reno puts a hand on Rufus' cheek and murmurs, "Come with me?" Rufus follows him without protest.

On the carpet below Reno's dented wall, Rufus' laptop lies, intact. Shin-Ra makes things to last. In the morning, Rufus will find, to his surprise, that nothing has been lost – that everything still works.

* * *

**Thanks for reading. **

**Extra thanks available for anyone who wants to review...**


	7. Falling

**Sorry about the long, long delay. This was one of the first fanfic stories I wrote in this fandom, and it's a bit hopelessly slushy, isn't it? Oh well. I promised I wouldn't be one of those writers who leaves a story unfinished - so - onward, and, in this chapter, literally upward. Reno gets to fly without a helicopter! **

* * *

**Falling**

Reno manages to put Sephiroth out of his mind for almost two weeks, mentally changing the subject whenever anything reminds him of his lost lover. Rufus deserves better from him, and he's determined to try. Sephiroth is dead. If any part of him remains, it's not the human part – not the part that Reno loved. Better to think of him as he was before Nibelheim – considerate, courteous, _kind_. Someone who would take time to mentor Zack Fair, putting aside his own grief about the disappearance of Genesis and Angeal to show concern for Zack's feelings for Aerith. Someone who would ponder the rights and wrongs of working for Shin-Ra, disturbed by the words of a young woman from Avalanche: _Why do you fight? _Someone who… it's better not to think about at all. Reno tries to hide it all away, locked somewhere in his mind, like those black feathers shut in their box. Shut away – but not destroyed.

Thirteen days after Rufus hit him, and reclaimed him so forcefully on the floor of his apartment, Reno dreams about Sephiroth – about the first time they _flew_.

x-x-x

Snow was a rare thing in Midgar. Having spent almost all his childhood beneath the plate, Reno had seen it twice before that night.

Sephiroth, on the other hand, knew snow all too well, from years of winter campaigns in Wutai. So he only glanced up from the evening news report on _Shin-Ra One_ when Reno said, "Look at that! It's snowing!"

"Hmm." Sephiroth returned his attention to the television, until Reno opened the window and leaned out, hand outstretched, to catch the white snowflakes that tumbled out of the darkness. Far, far below, the lights of Midgar glowed. Instantly Sephiroth was behind him, arms around his waist, wing unfurled.

"Don't!" the SOLDIER cried. "You'll fall!"

"I won't fall. You worry too much."

"We're more than forty storeys up!"

"I want to feel it, Seph. Living under the plate – you don't know what it's like when you finally feel weather – sun on your face, rain on your skin – snow…"

Sephiroth didn't let go. Reno pulled away, and turned to face him, frowning. "Seph – you can't protect me from ordinary life! I'm not a kid!"

"No, but you're not enhanced, either. And that makes you so fragile, it scares me."

"I do dangerous work every day. Leaning out of the window isn't going to kill me!"

"It could. It could. That's the whole _point_."

"Anything _could_ happen! That's why we have to do things while we can. Life's much too short –"

Sephiroth looked at him, smoothing red spikes of snow-damp hair out of his eyes. "You're right. It's why I wanted you in the first place – I could feel how alive you were – how you didn't care about any of the bullshit this company throws at us. You were always just yourself – then, and now. So – you want to feel the snow?"

"Yes!"

And then, between one breath and the next, Reno found himself swept up into the cold night sky in a rush of speed and black feathers. He gasped and twisted in Sephiroth's arms to look down at Midgar, and they'd already come so high that the roof of the Shin-Ra building was barely visible beneath them. Sephiroth held him firmly, one arm around his back and the other under his knees. Reno reached up and touched Sephiroth's cheek, his eyes very bright. Snow whirled around them, crystals glittering green in Midgar's mako light, scintillating star-like against the soft darkness of Sephiroth's feathers. Reno smiled. "What if I fall now?" he asked.

"Then I'll fly, and fall faster, and catch you from falling," Sephiroth told him. "As long as you're with me, I know you're safe."

"Take me somewhere, Seph. Through the sky. Away from Midgar."

Sephiroth flew, and Reno's breath caught at the speed of the flight – the sweep and beat of that dark wing that ought to be aerodynamically impossible but that somehow worked, propelling them through the inky clouds, the snow-heavy sky. Flying west from Midgar they reached the seashore, and Sephiroth landed on a cold, empty beach where the waves roared, churning sand and shingle. Even out here, miles from Midgar, the sky to the east was lit by that eerie green mako glow. It shone in Sephiroth's eyes as he looked back towards the city they had left, but Reno was staring out to sea. He shivered in the cold winter air, but his eyes were fever bright as he turned back to Sephiroth.

"Oh Seph!"

"Reno."

"You can fly! I mean – you can really fly! I knew it, of course – but this is just incredible. How… I don't understand how it works."

"Neither do I really." Sephiroth stretched the wing behind him, feathers falling along with the snow. "It's a form of magic, I think, like materia. Perhaps it's all the mako in my system, finding new uses for itself? I don't know. But when I fly, it's as though there's the physical wing, and then an invisible force on the other side that counterbalances it. It feels like materia feels to use – like cure. You know how it's as though you're … _glowing…_ from the inside?"

"Yes – I know that sensation - not pain exactly – but something like it… as if something's burning, but by the time you've realised it, it's stopped hurting. Does it feel like that all the time you fly?"

"No, only for the first few wing-beats. Then it's more like the afterglow you get with cure."

"Mmm. Nice."

"It is. It's good. I wish I could find a way for you to feel it."

"Seph…" Reno kissed his lover, and Sephiroth wrapped the wing around him. "You must be frozen."

"Not near you, like this. Seph – take me up high – over the sea. Do what you said – let me fall, and catch me. I could fly like that! It would be, like, the ultimate thrill – freefall with no parachute, yo!"

"Oh Reno – no! I couldn't. What if something went wrong? What if I couldn't catch you?"

"What could go wrong?"

"Lightning?"

"Not likely."

"Possible, though, in snow. No Reno."

"_Please_, Seph."

Sephiroth looked at Reno and knew that he couldn't deny him this: Reno lived for speed, for the feeling of freedom that flying his helicopter brought him. "All right," he told Reno, who seemed to ignite with happiness. "But just once."

"I love you!"

Sephiroth swept Reno off the beach and up into the snowy sky, far up, until they were so high they could see the illuminated roof of the Shin-Ra building in distant Midgar. Reno put his hand on Sephiroth's cold cheek and said, "Do it, Seph."

"I… don't want to let you go…"

"Let me go."

Sephiroth took a breath, and let Reno slip from his arms.

In freefall, but knowing there was no parachute this time, Reno felt complete freedom. Sky and snow and darkness surrounded him; he was falling through the chasm of the night towards a black and deadly ocean, and all he felt was wild joy.

Then Sephiroth snatched him back from the void, and held him close - safe.

"Reno! Weren't you scared?"

"No. Why would I be? I knew you'd catch me. It was just… amazing!"

Sephiroth flew back towards Midgar on a swift and silent wing.

When they landed back in Reno's room in the Shin-Ra building, Reno wrapped his arms around Sephiroth, pressed tight up against him. The window was still open admitting drifting snowflakes, but when Sephiroth moved a hand to close it Reno stopped him. "Leave it Seph. I like it." He looked up into Sephiroth's mako gaze. "Seph – flying – _falling!_ – It was the best."

"I was afraid for you. I don't want to lose you, Reno."

"You won't! How many other Turks have Sephiroth looking out for them?"

"But I'm so often away…"

"And I'm here when you come back."

"But you can't promise you always will be!"

Reno smiled. Perhaps it came of spending his formative years in the labs – but for all his terrifying prowess on the battlefield Sephiroth could be oddly childlike at times, seeking impossible reassurances in a way that would have irritated the hell out of Reno if it had been anyone else. "No one can promise that," he agreed. "But you know I'll be here if I can. That's all anyone can promise."

"It's… not enough. You know – in Wutai they call me the silver demon. But if I really had some kind of supernatural power, I'd keep you safe – I'd never let you out of my sight –"

"Woah!" Reno told him, with an uneasy laugh. "Way to sound like a stalker, Seph. You can't think about what _might_ happen – not when there's nothing you can do about it. When you let me fall – _that's_ what this is about."

Sephiroth frowned. "I've never been that scared of anything. Even the day I showed you the wing – it wasn't like that. Letting you go – knowing that if I didn't catch you…"

"But you did, Seph."

"And I always will. I promise. I -"

Reno knew that there was no point in arguing. Instead he ran light fingers over Sephiroth's night-cool skin and murmured, "We're here now, yeah? Let's not waste it?"

Whatever Sephiroth had been about to say vanished from his mind, like the snowflakes melting into black wing-feathers, like dreams melting into –

x-x-x

Reno wakes in the darkness, and senses Rufus beside him – heat, and the sound of the soft regular breathing of sleep, and the mix of scents that tells him _Rufus_, composed of so many things – soap and sex and the familiar smell of his hair. He wants to touch – to lose himself – to forget. But his memories are more powerful than his waking senses: the odour of cold night air, the icy tang of snow – the scent of his lost lover's feathers.


End file.
